Titanic

A well directed piece of shit. But a piece of shit regardless. This movie was inescapable from 1997 to 2010. INESCAPABLE.

I’m pretty sure theaters are still playing it. You would go to see another movie and this movie would just randomly start playing. Or you would hear the theme song just blasting through the theater walls. Trucks would just drive around the streets playing this movie on big screens.

People would stand on top of their cakes at weddings and re-enact the king of the world scene. People died doing the king of the world scene. Generations of children were born because of random car sex after this movie.

This movie made me hate Leonardo DiCaprio for a long time. I don’t anymore. Kate Winslet is always an absolute delight though. Five bags of dicks for Kate Winslet.

This is another movie where the theme song was played absolutely everywhere. You would open your wallet and Celine Dion would just start singing. I don’t blame her though she didn’t know the song would become America’s new national anthem for the next ten years.

Also jack would have easily fit on that piece of wood. It was both large enough and Buoyant enough. Fuck your jewelry.

If you want to watch a good titanic movie watch Thumbtanic it is infinitely better.